All That Existential Bullshit

You ever have that feeling that you're not doing things the right way? You're so caught up in the day-to-day you can't see past 5PM — you watch the clock tick until it displays the magic number. 5PM. You can go home now. But just for a while. Soon enough you'll be back at work waiting for that magic number. Again. 

But hey, don't forget all that you're doing could be the most important thing in the history of mankind. Or it could mean nothing at all.

Here's you.



Here's your shitty job.



Here's your magic number.




Or this if you don't believe in military time.



Or this if you're insane.



Here's our planet.



Here's our solar system. 



Here's the Milky Way.



Here's the goddamn infiniteness of space.



You know what? Scientists don't know shit about space, which means you know less than shit about space. Unless you're a scientist, then you simply don't know shit — and I'm not sure why you're on a design / art / fake science website. 

Some people theorize the universe will keep expanding for all of time — infinitely. Others say there's a limit — once the universe hits 8,000 mega-miles or whatever, it'll start shrinking again, until every goddamn particle in every goddamn star is back to fitting on the head of a goddamn pin. Of course, that's a metaphor. Pins won't really be a thing if that happens, they'll be compressed into the raging energy that is fucking everything that has ever existed.

But I mean, it gets crazier, and we know that. Nobody knows what happens after death — some people think every possible parallel universe lives all at once. According to this theory, by Hugh Everett, you're probably dead in several of your infinite lives that you don't know about. Gross.

There are all kinds of insanely different theories about everything, from ding dongs on the streets to Mr. Einstein himself. I won't even pretend to have half the brain power to minutely understand a single one of these. They lost me at "standard model particle physics."

Something I can kind of understand, though, is the idea that we're all living in a computer-generated program — like the Matrix. Take the red pill or the dogshit pill, or whatever. I haven't seen the movie but I know it's something like that. This theory states we live in an illusion and nothing is actually real. Which actually makes sense, since every conversation in the history of time is different if you speak to Party A or Party B. 

We should look at the brain, too. The brain is the only part of human existence we can't understand. Part of the problem is we're using the brain to try to learn about the brain. If you've ever kind of psychologied, you'll know the brain has a billion ways to make "real" things into hilarious jokes. That sometimes put people in jail forever. Wait. That's not funny at all.

This is the type of shit people devote their lives to. And most of them never get one step closer to the answer. How would that be? Spending a hundred fucking years on something that never ends because the limits of your mind can't stretch for infiniteness. I mean, this is the type of shit some people vomit upon merely thinking about it. Some people take prescription drugs for this because it's simply too unbearable. But it's fascinating. It's so fascinating people have died trying to defend it.  

Betcha forgot about your 9 to 5 though. 

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